Finding Your Authenticity Through Conversations

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m a talker. But not just a talker to fill the space of silence.

“Talking it Out” for me is a critical component of how I process information. I use it in my personal life. My business. With my family. Legitimately in ALL the places.

But “just talking”, especially to myself is NOT where I find the most value. It’s in talking to others.

Here’s the thing. Another person has a different perspective. 100% of the time. Even if you are aligned in terms of your values; even if your goals are the same, their perspective is different. And allowing someone else to share their thoughts gives me the gift of understanding more clearly what I believe.

I haven’t written a blog for a while now, as I’ve been totally wrapped up in the conversations that are a part of the 2021 Permission to DO YOU Bonanza. It’s an event about talking…specifically, about sharing your voice on topics that are all related to authenticity.

WHY?

To find your authenticity.

So let me share a little more about what a conversation can do for you when it comes to understanding what is authentic for YOU. And why having that conversation with the right community is so important.

Feeling Alone Causes Stress

Have you ever had those moments when you’re trying to figure something out, and you’ve decided that YOU have to figure it out? How much stress is associated with that?

For me, it’s tons. Even when it comes to relatively simple tasks like meal planning, when I feel like I’m doing it alone, it feels WAY harder.

But if I ask my son, or husband for ideas, when I make it a conversation, it becomes more like a puzzle we are working on together. Same thing when I have a business challenge. Posing it to one of my business peeps almost always makes the task seem less daunting.

The FEELING is different.

And when we can shift our feelings about a task, that’s when we get power over them. Instead of them having power over us.

So, score 1 for conversations.

Our Brains Work Better When We Work Together

In an article titled, “In good company: Why we need other people to be happy”, they share a variety of thoughts on “togetherness”. One of those be based on a growing body of evidence that suggest our brains function better when we’re interacting with others.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve often found that I can process my thoughts more clearly when I’m sharing them as part of a conversation. Even more so when I’m not worried about HOW I say something…i.e. when I’m surrounded by people who make me feel comfortable being ME.

I recently looked up the definition of “conversation”, for which Google Dictionary lists: a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.

When we’re exchanging thoughts and ideas informally, there’s very little pressure to “be right”. Which allows us to be more open with our communication. It allows us to try ideas on, and see how they fit us. But it also creates the space for someone to, as Dale Carnegie called it, “disagree agreeably”.

Score 2.

Conversations Allow You to Find Your People

Many of us are taught very early in our lives to “fit in”. Now, likely none of our parents would actually say that’s what they taught us, but when we get feedback like, “study harder so you can get better grades”, “make sure you comb your hair to look presentable”, we start comparing ourselves, very minimally, to the societal average. And when we’re comparing ourselves to average, the easiest way to do that is to be the SAME as the average.

I feel like this is why junior high school is so difficult for most teenagers. At the time when we’re really learning who we are, we spend most of it trying to be the same as everyone else.

But authenticity is the opposite of that. So we need to break our old habits.

But if we’re surrounded by people who are continually driving us back to average, it can be really difficult.

Did you ever have one of the moments where you met a person and you could just tell that they “got” you? Like, they truly saw who you were as a person and liked it?

THOSE are your people.

And when you can have a conversation with those people, they lift you up. And you feel like you’re in the right place.

You can’t get that societal “belongingness” from being by yourself. And you can’t even get it if you don’t SHARE anything with the people around you.

Feeling like you belong comes from you showing up and people loving you, just as you are.

This concept always reminds me of the band Queen. I feel like those guys were the Champions of the “outcasts”; or, the people who never felt like they belonged anywhere until they came on the scene.

Not everyone you meet falls into this category. And that’s OK. And it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It simply means you haven’t found your people yet. So just keep being YOU (because being someone else is NOT how you find YOUR people).

Sounds like a perfect 3/3 to me.

Bonus: Different Perspectives Help Us Learn & Grow

If I’m only having a conversation with myself, I’ll only know what I already know. Sure. I could read a book. I could research a topic. But here’s the cool thing about conversations.

Let’s say two different people attend the exact same seminar. You get together to discuss what you learned.

Did you both take away exactly the same thing?

Of course not. You each have a different background, different experiences, and therefore different filters that “one set” of information goes through. So, when you have that conversation, not only do you get to take away YOUR perspective, but the other person’s perspective as well 💖

More Knowledge = More Opportunities for Growth.

A Challenge For You: Gratitude for Conversations

One of the things I’ve realized during this year’s Bonanza is just how grateful I am for conversations. For me, this year alone, I can thank them for new business opportunities, the ability to process grief, stronger family dynamics AND more confidence in myself. In my life there are very few other things that have been able to drive that much positive growth from one commitment.

So, as we enter the holiday season, I challenge you to think back to all the conversations you’ve had this year. The good, the bad, the difficult, the fun. And celebrate how they have changed you.

And if you’re willing to share, I would love to hear about your experience with conversations in the comments!

If you’re looking for a space to have more authentic communications, let’s chat! The Your Business Peeps Community is a great place to start :)